I don’t think ill know what to do once i get my own store. Ill leave Castleton and the life I’ve known for four and a half years now. My life and my friends are here. I just cant start over from that…
I suppose i hate november and thanksgiving because of everything I’ve allowed my dumb ass self to go through. Im not thankful for much but i am thankful for Hayla Nick and Ryan. Hayla has been my best friend for ten years now. She and i both know I’m an idiot and I’m thankful she loves me anyways. Nick is the most loving amazing boyfriend and best friend i could ask for. Ryan, even though we don’t talk that much anymore, is still my great friend even though we both know i don’t deserve to ever even hear his voice after everything I’ve put him through. Im thankful for my mom and my brother noah. Im thankful for my job. Working at hot topic has been the only thing in the world keeping me pulled together and strong. Though i cant be friends with the people i work with i still appreciate them. They know how retarded and crazy i am on all sorts of levels. Im especially thankful for the most amazing, patient boss, Nate.
Im bitter and angry with my self. I have been for a long time… but I’m thankful that I’m finally starting over new and that my life has been more smiles and laughter than yelling and being angry at everything.
Things have been slowing getting better for me. I used to have a terrible time with loneliness now i can handle it.
Nick and i are still going strong. Im happy that he finally called me his girlfriend last week and called me that again 2 nights ago. We still cant get enough of each other. I hate that he works so much but i think it helps keep the mystery alive and it is beautiful and refreshing. He always asks what and i always reply its nothing but recently it slipped out as its something…. But its nothin lol. I think words may be exchanged soon but I’m still not sure. I cant say it first. I wont say it first. I love to easily and i need to know its real from him. Actually i know its real i just have to hear him say it first even if it takes years.
WTF I CAN’T BREATHE OMFG WHAT IS THIS!?!@
the true story
You say you want to get better. Well, a big part of that is your ability to answer your phone or even give us a call back. I don’t like to give up on my co-workers but YOU haven’t given me any reasons to keep you around.
I need to buy a cd player once o get paid. I cant stand never being able to listen to my music because my cd player is broken. Ad i hate plugging on the ipod dock just to plug in another cord to the computer And then have the computer plugged in to the wall to charge while the external disc player is plugged into the computer. Its exhausting. I want a Crosley vinyl/cd/tape player. I used to have 7 years ago and loved it. Im not sure why i haven’t bothered to buy yet but i really want it.
I don’t say much anymore. I just kinda of smile and laugh. But if I saw you today would have too much to say. I don’t want to bash you. I just wish you could see what others see. Maybe someday i can help you understand why you sleep alone.
i learned a lot about falling in love when i fell out of love.
i learned a lot about being a friend when i was alone.
i played with fire i burned it all down.
i’ve made more mistakes than you can count.